Porn is love you can see.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
