Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
