he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
