She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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