Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
