I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
