I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
