it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
