Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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