Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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