i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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