Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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