would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
