32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
