Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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