Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
