so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
