sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
