mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
