he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
