I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
