dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
