well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We have started to decorate penises.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
