I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
