it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
