There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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