i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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