Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
