I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
