My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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