Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She told me I should be a condom model.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
