her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
