P.S. I can't hear my feet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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