Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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