He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
