Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
