You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
