i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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