If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
