if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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