k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
