I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
