You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
