Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
