all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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