i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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