I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
