Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
