tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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