she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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