Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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