Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
