Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
