you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
