oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
