guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
