Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
