You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
